Poco Mountain Girl

I so love the days when I don’t need to go anywhere, because all my days are so full.  Even on a day like today, when I can’t think of anything special that happened, the day has been jam-packed full.

These days I’m feeling laughably chained and hobbled to my baby.  I remember feeling that way when Zia was tiny, because my babies love to be held and carried everywhere.  And I want these days to be laughable to me–because even though I feel helpless as I watch the dishes mount up and the living room grow into a heap of books, drawings, and markers, even when I can’t take a shower, and my laundry is done with Cash perched happily on my arm, even as I type this with one hand—I still laugh.

I laugh because my kids are alive and well, and because I have them to share my days with.  Because I live for something more than a clean house and clean hair.  Because all I have to do is look at Cash and smile, and his face breaks into a giant grin.  I laugh because these days are now, not yesterday.  They will not always be here, but I laugh because I am living in them now.

Each school day morning, Zia sits up in bed at the vroom of Caleb’s motorbike.  As he heads out to meet the bus, he pauses in the driveway to look up to Zia’s window and wave at her waiting face and wildly waving hand.

Each day as Zia and Cash and I go for a walk down our dirt road, her lithe little five-year old body skips gaily ahead of me.  I’m slow with Cash wrapped onto me.  Her ponytail flips around as she canters on her imaginary horse—or maybe she is the horse.

Either way, I’m pretty sure she won’t be galloping ahead of me when she’s fifteen.  Caleb won’t always be there to wave goodbye to her, and Cash won’t always be cuddled next to me, jumpstarting my day with his huge smile.

My heart breaks for Jessica Ridgeway, and for her family.  I never want to feel what they are feeling.  I can’t imagine it and I don’t want to.  Kids are the most precious commodity on earth, and when I feel myself getting impatient, I remember that, and I think, how could I treat something of such value so lightly?

Every day I have with them is precious. More than anything, I want to remember that while it matters most—while they are here with me.

Jessica Ridgeway is the ten year old girl from our area who was abducted and killed over the last couple of weeks.  I wanted to say something about her, but wasn’t sure what. I decided to post this journal entry instead.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 18th, 2012 at 8:15 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.